


Why I Go

by pepperBubble



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 14:08:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4062832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepperBubble/pseuds/pepperBubble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve goes to the Smithsonian to reminisce on the good times. The Winter Soldier goes to the Smithsonian to try and recover the life he once had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why I Go

**Author's Note:**

> It's only after discovering a new obsession over the Captain America films and an obsession over Marvel as a whole did I discover the "joys" of the Stucky OTP. It was after watching The Winter Soldier for the millionth time and seeing Bucky at the exhibit in post-credits scene did this scenario pop into my mind and for ages I fought off posting it... until now! 
> 
> Obviously this is my first Stucky fic so if anybody has anything they would like to point out to help me improve that's also welcome! :D

Steve goes to the Smithsonian to reminisce on the good times. There in front of him he is reminded of his time alongside the Howling Commandos, how he went from a guy with every health problem imaginable who was denied every attempt he took in enlisting to one of the country's and the world's most beloved superheroes. He goes to the Smithsonian because there in front of him is all the proof he needed that he once had a friend named James Barnes. There in front of him is the proof he needed to ensure himself that the guy was once his best friend, that he proffered to go by Bucky over anything and that laughed, loved and lived a good life. 

Nowhere in these memories is he The Winter Soldier; the deadliest assassin known to modern man, the assassin who almost succeeded in killing Nick Fury and was sent to even try and kill the famed Captain America. It was in the Smithsonian that Bucky and The Winter Soldier are two different entities instead of the same being. 

Steve never stays for too long. He visits just as much as any other person would, but soon the memories just become too much for him and he finds that no sooner does he enter the place will he want to leave just as quick. This visit is no different and it's not long before he is tearing himself away from the section dedicated to archival footage and towards the exit. In doing so, Steve ends up bumping into a member of the public and because he's not rude he apologises as he passes. It is by pure chance that what he sees next makes him still in his steps; by bumping into the person, he manages to catch a very ominous and familiar looking silver on the arm and his eyes travel up to meet the fae of a figure he hadn't seen in a long time. The face of somebody he went looking for soon after the downfall of S.H.I.E.L.D and HYDRA and was nowhere to be seen. All those times Steve thought he had lost him again, yet here he was right in front of him. 

"Bucky?" 

"Is what the guy saying true?" Bucky asks "That we were inseparable on schoolyard and battlefield?"    
"We were practically joined at the hip" Steve replies and is sure to keep himself a safe distance away from Bucky, making sure that he has all the space he needs to still feel comfortable enough to talk. 

"You know, I come here often. Every time I'm here I'm looking at this memorial for the Barnes guy, I look at him and he is me. That guy right there is me and yet I feel no connection towards him. He's me, what I use to be before I became... this and yet at the same time it feels like I'm staring at a complete stranger I've never met before" 

Steve could hear the frustration in his voice, see how anguished he looked as he stared at himself and yet couldn't feel the connection; that he was James Barnes and had been nobody else. The Winter Soldier was just another bump in his life, something he could get over if he just allowed somebody to help him. 

"This isn't your fault Buck. None of this was ever your fault, you should always remind yourself of this" he tries to reassure but he can see that it does nothing to change or improve his current mood.

"I often have flashbacks, flashbacks to before. It's always the same; being tested on in Zola's compound, having a drink in London, and the train. Each time they come back... you're always there. It's always you and it frustrates me that in these memories you're helping me, you're friendly towards me and yet when we were up in the helicarrier... I shot you, I-I tried to kill you!" 

Steve wished that Bucky could understand that none of this was his fault. He was not the bad guy in this, in fact he was a victim; a victim of a cruel game that he had _no chance_ of fighting against. Why did Bucky have to blame himself all the time, why couldn't he just understand that he didn't have to always lame himself for everything that had happened? 

"I don't think I'll ever go back to being James. It's been so long that there's nothing there now. I'm so messed up that I don't think there's anything human left inside of me"   
"You don't know that. Humans are always able to redeem themselves even when they feel that there is nothing left worth saving. There is a human still inside of you Buck" Steve tries and steps forward but stops himself when he sees the latter shift away from him slightly. 

"Let me help you. I know people, some of the best people around, who can help you. I promise that nobody will cause you any harm and you'll never have to experience what you were subjected you to previously. I will be there with you every step of the way, just let me help!" 

He was practically begging by this point. He must have sounded so desperate but he didn't care. He had Bucky right there in front of him, after searching for him for so long, he could see just how vulnerable he was, how difficult it was in trying to regain who he once was. Steve wanted to be there for him, to get him help and to never let him go ever again, he just needed Bucky to realise this himself.

"You're really willing to waste an ounce of effort in helping _me_?"  

That's exactly what Steve was willing to do! He just wished his friend there could get it into his head that not everybody feared him and wanted to help free him from his past and look forward to a better and brighter future. 

"You remind me of myself back in the day; completely stubborn. I was always determined to do things by myself, that I could handle and look after myself when in fact I needed all the help I could get. It was you who managed to convince me of this and I'm going to tell you exactly what you told me" Steve begins and slowly walked closer to Bucky, waiting to see if he'll move away again. When he doesn't Steve proceeds to move closer and slowly move to place his hand on the top of the metal arm. He waits to see if Bucky will move away from that, but he doesn't. 

"You want to face this all by yourself and you feel like nobody would ever want to be near you because of who you are and what you have done. You don't have to face this alone, Buck, and whether you like it or not I'm going to be with you throughout, 'cause I'm with you 'til the end of the line" 


End file.
